“I want a divorce.”
And in that moment, the bottom dropped out. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t even really know what I felt.
My wife sat on the couch across from me with a look of sad determination.
I mumbled something about getting counseling, but she replied, “We’ve tried that. More than once. I don’t have any hope left. I’m done.”
I sat there stunned as a sea of emotions washed over me. She walked into the other room and I overheard her on the phone with her mother. “I guess he’s okay with it, he didn’t have much to say when I told him.”
I was anything but okay. But I didn’t know what to do.
As my life started to unravel, it became apparent that she had thought this whole thing through very carefully and there was no going back. No matter how I might beg or plead, she was not changing her mind.
Not only that, she made it clear that she had lost respect for me and she was no longer attracted to me. She told me that I had not stepped up in our marriage or my life. That I had been acting like an immature child for too long and she had no interest in sleeping with a “nice boy” in a man’s body.
Ouch. It cut me to the quick. Because she was right.
Ever since my business crashed and burned during the great recession of 2009, I had been hiding out, trying this, dabbling in that, but mostly licking my wounds and staying under the radar.
I had been a leader my entire life as a director, producer, business owner, and more recently a father. But I had allowed circumstances to take me out of the game and had been “playing small” for years. I was like the Incredible Shrinking Man.
I loved my wife and I did not want to lose my family. But one thing I did understand was that the only person I could change was ME.
So I made a decision then and there.
And it turned out to be the best decision of my life.
I decided that no matter how this all played out–whether we got divorced or stayed married–I was going to come out the other side a better person. I decided to step up, grow up, and take back my life.
I can’t say it was easy, but it has been the most worthwhile journey I have ever been on.
Day after day, week after week, I shed my Good Boy / Shrinking Man behavior and began to embody my authentic masculine power and strength.
I started being a leader in my own life…
I regained a sense of passion, purpose and direction…
I stopped using destructive anger as both a shield and a weapon…
And perhaps most importantly, I stopped worrying about what others thought (especially my wife) and started caring for me.
One day, as I was going about my own business (for a change) and preparing to move out of my home, my wife stopped me in the hallway.
She looked into my eyes for a few moments.
“What?” I said pleasantly. In that moment, I realized that I had reclaimed myself. I wasn’t waiting for her to endorse me or tell me that I was worthy. It was just me, being me, connecting with her.
“Tim. I think I’m falling back in love with you.”
I smiled warmly at her as she went on. “Who is this man in front of me? Where has he been?”
Taking the risk of fully expressing the entirety of my true self had paid off. She didn’t want me to be a “good boy” or her bestie. She wanted me to be her MAN.
My newfound strength, masculine energy, lack of neediness, and self-determination had acted like a magnet. A man who knows who he is, where he’s going and steps up to life with passion is very, very attractive.
I am happy to report, that soon after that, we took divorce off the table. We began treating each other with respect, and kindness, and have grown closer, fallen more in love, and are more intimate than ever. Not only that, our rekindled passion has resulted in the best sex we have had in years!
Knowing who I am and my place in the world, having a vision for my future (and my family’s), and taking back the reins in my life has been the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had.
The journey is the destination.
And that’s why it never really ends. It was over 20 years ago that I had my first real spiritual awakening. It happened to coincide with the rise of what was then called the “men’s movement.” I had my initial baptism of fire into the world of initiated men at the feet of such wise elders as Robert Bly (Iron John), Sam Keen (Fire in the Belly), and Robert Moore (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover). Over those years I have been deeply immersed in empowerment work, learning and growing in my own self-expression and authenticity.
But as I continue to travel farther and higher on the road of self-discovery, some of the deepest and most life-changing work I have done had also been the most recent. And that’s what I’m here to share with you.
I want to help you to refuel your lust for life. I want you to embrace the fact that you are the creative force in your life. You can be your own advocate. You don’t need anyone else’s endorsement or permission to live a life that will bring you joy and fulfillment.
Are you ready to get started? Fill out the form below and let’s get on the phone and talk.
[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text][contact-form-7 id=”8″ title=”Contact form 1″][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][ultimate_spacer height=”20″][vc_column_text]Tim Wade is a Speaker, Writer, and Empowerment Coach who helps men to embody their own healthy masculine power and strength without being an overbearing jerk or wimpy “nice guy.”
Tim brings 25 years of experience in personal growth and transformation during which he trained with Landmark Education, The Pathways Institute, Insight Seminars, Robert Bly (Iron John), and more.
“I believe that as men step into being powerfully “whole-hearted” and authentically express who they are, they can become the extraordinary partners, lovers, husbands, and fathers they truly yearn to be.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]