It’s like getting kicked in the nuts when you least expect it. The wind is knocked out of you and you’re left speechless.
It’s not long though before the shock wears off and is replaced by and ache in your gut that is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.
How do I know? Because I was there once. My wife of 27 years calmly sat me down on the couch and with no emotion said, “I’m done.”
Finding my way through an in-house separation, a short reconciliation, and then a full-blown divorce is the journey that inspired me to start LionHearted Men Coaching.
Early in that process, I made a promise to myself: that no matter how things ended up, I would come out a better man. So I set about trying to become the best version of me that I knew how to be.
There seems to be 2 main ways we learn things:
- We are taught by someone
- We make all the mistakes that can be made and live to tell the tale
I did the latter at first. If you’re anything like me, your dad didn’t do a great job of teaching you how to be a calm, confident, and compassionate husband. It wasn’t his fault – his father didn’t teach him either.
So I floundered for a while because I was trying to do everything on my own and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
Eventually, I got help and learned how to THINK differently and BE different.
The men I work with usually have the same questions: “What is she thinking? Where did this come from? What does she mean? How long has she been feeling this way?”
The honest answer is, she has been feeling for a very long time — usually about 2 years — a deep sense of unhappiness, emptiness, hopelessness, and even despair. She has felt ignored, misunderstood, anxious, and like she is drowning.
She feels trapped in the dull routine of life, work, child-rearing, and being a “wife” – whatever that means. She looks down the road and thinks, “Is this IT? Is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life?”
Finally announcing “I want out” is a last straw for her. It’s a declaration that the status quo sucks for her. It’s a hail mary to see if something, anything, can be done to pull the marriage back from the abyss.
Unfortunately, this is when most men do all the wrong things (me included):
Trying to reason her into changing her mind…
Gifts, cards, and romantic gesture trying to show your love…
What should you do instead? NOTHING.
That’s right. I know that your compulsion is to do SOMETHING — ANYTHING to stop the pain and get her to change her mind.
But anything you do right now will come across to her as weak, needy and off-putting.
Anything you do right now to “fix” the situation will be felt by her as completely ignoring what she is feeling and her emotional reality.
You fear and anxiety will cause her to think to herself: “This is exactly why I want out!”
What you need to realize is that right now there is nothing she can or will do to reassure you and make you feel better. And if you try to get her to, it will backfire in the biggest way. Trust me, I tried it.
And after that??
You need to get support and help from someone who knows how to navigate this desperate feeling situation.
You need another man 0r men that you can talk to and get some clarity about how to move into a calm, masculine mindset from which you can do the kind of things that will stop the downward spiral you’re in right now.
That’s what I did. And it changed my life forever.
Flash forward several years, and I have now coached hundreds and hundreds of men the kind of things that I never learned in therapy or couples counseling.
That’s why my business partner (master men’s coach Steve Horsmon) and I created an exclusive online course and community for men, about men, and by men. It’s called: “How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb”
And I can tell you that it is the most effective, down-to-earth program out there and includes membership in the best community for men I know of.
When a man joins our community, he finds out a couple of things very quickly: he’s not alone and there is help.
Watch the video below and see what it’s all about.
Absolutely Free 7-Day Trial
We actually guarantee that this course and community will far exceed anything you may have expected. We are so confident in its quality, that for a limited time only, we are offering a FREE 7-DAY TRIAL where you can go through the entire 1st Module of the course. No obligation, no credit card, just free.
We invite you to join the course for FREE, watch the lessons, apply the principles and see your life improve almost immediately no matter what she is saying and doing!